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Marcus's Friends and Family Update #5
Welcome to Friends and Family Update #5!
📝TODO
- Add DEXA Scan before and after to Fitness year in review
💌Why I Make These Updates
I wanted to reiterate why I make these updates: Depth and Quality of relationships. While I may be many miles away, separated by time and seas, I hope we are still connected through these emails.
🎓Core Lessons I've Learned
Your health and your relationships are the only real things you have in life.
It's not possible to own anything, but it is possible to partake in an interdependent relationship.
One term that I learned in 2023 was unconditional positive regard from Adam Lane Smith. It basically means assuming positive intent to the nth degree at all times. Asking why someone did something rather than blaming them for doing the thing.
💡Lessons I've Learned
It's only as deep as you make it. Most problems, conversations, and situations are as complex or as simple as you choose to treat them. You control the depth.
Assume positive intent and never attribute to malice what you can attribute to incompetence. Most people aren't out to get you—they're just figuring things out like everyone else. Hanlon's razor saves a lot of unnecessary conflict.
Everyone fundamentally wants the same things. Connection, security, meaning, to be seen and understood. Once you recognize this, empathy becomes easier and conflicts make more sense.
Play for the upside. In life, seek out situations with asymmetric outcomes—where the potential gains far outweigh the potential losses. Take calculated risks that have limited downside but unlimited upside.
You can't take it with you. Material possessions, status, and wealth all stay behind when you go. Focus on what truly matters—experiences, relationships, and growth—rather than accumulating things you'll eventually leave behind.
Happiness = Reality - Expectations. If you remove all expectations from life, happiness = reality. As Captain Gus McCrae says in Lonesome Dove: "If you want any one thing too badly, it's likely to turn out to be a disappointment. The only healthy way to live life is to learn to like all the little everyday things—like a sip of good whiskey in the evening, a soft bed, a glass of buttermilk, or a feisty gentleman like myself."
🌟Life Philosophy
There are only 3 things worth chasing:
- Relationships
- Enlightenment
- Money
Relationships are the real fruit of life. They're what makes everything else worthwhile—the people you share experiences with, the bonds that give meaning to your days.
Enlightenment is the state of mind that enables good relationships. Without clarity, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence, you can't show up fully for the people who matter.
Money enables the infrastructure to cultivate good relationships. It gives you time (not being tied to a soul-crushing job), location independence (being where your people are), and financial freedom (removing the stress that destroys connections).
Everything else is either in service of these three or doesn't matter.
🚶Transitioning from Brahmacharya to Grihastha
Dr. K from HealthyGamer introduced me to the Hindu concept of Āśrama—the four stages of life. I'm currently experiencing the transition from Brahmacharya (student life) to Grihastha (householder life).
Brahmacharya is the first stage, typically lasting until around age 25. It's characterized by learning, self-discipline, and acquiring knowledge. You're building the foundation—studying, experimenting, figuring out who you are and what you're capable of.
Grihastha is the second stage, the householder phase from roughly 25-50. This is when you transition from learning to doing—getting married, building a career, contributing to society, raising a family. In the Hindu system, this stage is considered vital because householders generate the resources that support all other stages of life.
I'm at that inflection point now. The student phase served its purpose—I've learned, explored, and experimented. Now it's time to build: a home, a family, a life of substance. The skills and knowledge from Brahmacharya become the tools for Grihastha. It's not just about personal growth anymore—it's about creating value, supporting others, and establishing the foundation for the life I want to live.
⭐Religious North Stars
These spiritual frameworks guide how I try to live:
The Sermon on the Mount: Jesus's core teachings on compassion, humility, and love. "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." The emphasis on inner transformation over external righteousness resonates deeply—it's not about following rules, but about becoming the kind of person who naturally does good.
"If I had to face only the Sermon on the Mount, and my own interpretation of it, I should not hesitate to say, 'Oh yes, I am a Christian.' But I can tell you that, in my humble opinion, much of what passes as Christianity is a negation of the Sermon on the Mount."
The Eight Precepts: Buddhist ethical guidelines that extend the five basic precepts with additional practices around eating, entertainment, and comfort. They create a framework for living with mindfulness and restraint, particularly during intensive meditation retreats.
Ashtanga Yoga (Yama and Niyama): The ethical and personal observances that form the foundation of yoga practice. The Yamas (restraints) include non-violence, truthfulness, and non-attachment. The Niyamas (observances) include purity, contentment, and self-study. Together they provide a comprehensive system for ethical living and self-development.
These aren't rigid rules—they're guiding principles. Different frameworks emphasize different aspects of the good life, and I find value in all of them.
🔺Pyramid of Needs
My personal hierarchy - what sustains everything else:
Drag to rotate • Foundation: physical health enables mental clarity. Reading & writing develop the mind. Relationships are the ultimate fruit.
🔮Looking Ahead
- Big career decisions: I officially turned down my Atlassian APM offer and gave notice to Updoc that I won't be continuing with them. My last day at Updoc is 29th February. I vest at the end of February and our lease ends March 1st - time for a new chapter.
- Japan (Jan 23 - Feb 10): Heading to Japan for a few weeks to explore and reset before the next phase.
- Wat Buddha Dhamma: Spending 10 days at a meditation retreat to deepen my practice and get clarity on what's next.
- San Francisco: Flying to SF after the retreat. Exploring opportunities and reconnecting with the startup ecosystem there.
- Machu Picchu (Late May-June): Family trip to Peru - been wanting to do this for years!
- The rest of the year is intentionally flexible: Might spend time in SF, potentially pass through Southeast Asia, maybe base myself in Sydney for a bit. Keeping options open to see where the opportunities and energy take me.
- Walk and Talk - Northern Thailand (End of Year): I'm putting together a group of 10 people to do a walk and talk in northern Thailand at the end of the year. The concept is simple: walk together, talk deeply, connect meaningfully. Shoutout to Derek Sivers for the idea.
Walk and Talk Resources
Craig Mod on Walking - Beautiful essay on the art of walking and conversation
How to Walk and Talk (PDF) - Kevin Kelly's guide to organizing walk and talks
🎯Goals for 2025
I originally had a list of goals that was a list of results I wanted to achieve. I rewrote these to focus on the process that hopefully leads to the result:
- Lift weights 4 times per week
- Practice 30 mins of Portuguese per day
- Practice Argentinian tango 1x per week
- Meditate 10 mins per day
- Read 10 pages per day
- Go on 1 date per fortnight
- Sleep 8.5 hours per night
- Be in bed for 10 hours per night
💪2025 Year in Review - Fitness
✨Experiences I'm Excited For in 2026
- Snowboarding in Japan: Travelling with Connor and his family - combining two of my favourite things: snowboarding and quality time with great people. Can't wait to hit the Japanese powder.
- 10 Days at Wat Buddha Dhamma: A proper silent meditation retreat in the Australian bush. Time to go deeper into practice, disconnect completely, and come back with fresh clarity.
- Hiking Machu Picchu with Dad and Sophia: An adventure to one of the world's most iconic sites with two of my favorite people.
- Setting up a Hacker House with Darcy and Connor in SF: Building together with great people in the heart of tech culture.
- Jhourney Meditation Retreat: Deepening my meditation practice through an intensive retreat experience.
- Walk and Talk in Northern Thailand: Combining mindfulness, movement, and conversation in a beautiful setting.
🚪Why I'm Quitting Updoc
After deep reflection, I've decided to move on from Updoc. The fundamental reason is simple and pragmatic: I won't be able to buy a house in the next 3-4 years on this path.
This isn't just about money—it's about building the life I want. Owning a home represents stability, freedom, and the ability to create the environment I need to thrive. Staying at Updoc would mean postponing these life goals indefinitely, and that's not a trade-off I'm willing to make.
Sometimes the right decision isn't about what's wrong with where you are, but what's right for where you need to go.
🏡Affording a House in Samford Valley
Samford Valley is where I want to build my life. It's a semi-rural suburb 23km northwest of Brisbane CBD—tranquil, picturesque, with acreage properties perfect for the lifestyle I'm working towards.
The reality: median house prices sit around $1.8M. Properties here are primarily owner-occupied (94.5%), mostly couples with families who value space, nature, and community. It's known for beautiful acreage properties popular with families and horse enthusiasts.
This is the goal. Not a mansion—a home with land where I can build the life I envision. A place for family, for friends, for building something meaningful. But at my current trajectory, this stays a dream. That's why I'm making the change.
💼Learnings from Updoc
- Fake Progress - The illusion of forward movement without actual results. Building features nobody uses, optimizing metrics that don't matter, having meetings about meetings. Real progress is revenue, users, and impact.
- Effective, then efficient, then elegant - First make it work, then make it fast, then make it beautiful. Most people skip straight to elegant and build nothing. Ship the ugly thing that works.
- People matter - The right person multiplies your output; the wrong person divides it.
- Revenue covers all sins - You can mess up almost everything, but as long as revenue is growing, nothing else matters. Growth forgives chaos; stagnation magnifies every flaw.
Meta-themes:
- Hire slow, fire fast - Take your time finding the right people. Cut loose the wrong ones immediately.
- Do everything yourself until it hurts - Only delegate when something becomes a genuine bottleneck.
💎Philosophy of Possessions
You should own either trash or luxury. Things you don't care about at all or things you care deeply about. No middle ground—that's where clutter and mediocrity live.
For me, the items I care deeply about are:
- My watch - A piece that keeps me grounded in time while reminding me time is finite
- My 8sleep - Quality sleep is non-negotiable; this optimizes one-third of my life
- My VPS - Digital infrastructure that gives me freedom and control
That's it. Everything else is either disposable or doesn't deserve the mental bandwidth.
📖Books Read This Year
"If you know it exists, it knows you exist. The more you know about it, the more it knows about you. If you can see it, it can see you. And you can see it. You've been looking right at it all afternoon."
The Metamorphosis of Prime Intellect by Roger Williams
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Henry Cloud
"Remember that a boundary always deals with yourself, not the other person."
The Trading Game: A Confession by Gary Stevenson
"The rich get the assets, the poor get the debt, and then the poor have to pay their whole salary to the rich every year just to live in a house."
The Wisdom of the Buddha by Anne Bancroft
Daytripper by Fabio Moon and Gabriel Ba
Morning Star by Pierce Brown
Berserk by Kentaro Miura
📚Favourite Media
Essential Reading (All-Time Favourites)
Watch on YouTube
Click to watch
🧘Meditation
I've been deepening my meditation practice, particularly exploring nondual awareness techniques. Michael Taft's guided meditations have been transformative for my practice.
Michael Taft - Nondual Awareness Meditation
Click to watch on YouTube
Watch on YouTube
Click to watch
Watch on YouTube
Click to watch
🎯Hobbies
- Magic the Gathering - Still playing and enjoying the strategy
- Dungeons & Dragons - Current campaigns and memorable moments
- Raves - The music and community I love
- Jiu Jitsu - Training journey continues
🎥Favourite Videos
🎬 Movies
Gattaca - I loved this movie for its central message, of the triumph of will over circumstances. The metaphors are sublime, especially "Never saving anything for the swim back".
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📺 TV Series
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🎮 Games
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🎵 Favourite Albums
📝 Favourite Articles
The roadmap to Product/Market Fit (PMF)… maybe
Jason Cohen
Meditation: Why Bother?
Bhante Gunaratana - Mindfulness in Plain English
Vanta's Path to Product-Market Fit — Solve the Customer's Problem, Then Write Code
Christina Cacioppo - First Round Review
💭Quotes
"Diversification may preserve wealth, but concentration builds wealth."
"From a spiritual point of view it becomes clear that we never really own anything, not even our bodies. There comes a time when we need to let go of everything."
"If I'm betting on myself, I would easily double down."
That's all for now! Looking forward to sharing more adventures in the next update.
— Marcus
— Marcus